I saw so many people sharing this video on my Facebook feed, but hadn’t got a chance to watch it until this morning. I am happy that the influencers and youth icons like Deepika Padukone are taking initiatives in societal issues. However, this one article blew me away and not in a good way. I was much amazed at how some Gaurav Arora guy had the whole concept of women empowerment wrong, and to top it, had decided to write about the campaign so frivolously. Here is my take on it.
Dear Mr. Gaurav Arora,
I read your piece. I don’t intent to, like you put it, “abuse the balls out of you”, but as a responsible, forward-thinking woman, I have to tell you that your take on the concept of women empowerment and the vogue video is so wrong. I am a woman who believes in freedom for both men and women. And I didn’t appreciate most of what you wrote in your blog piece — My Choice Is To Not Support Deepika Padukone This Time Here’s why:
“But having having sex outside of marriage? Your choice? I doubt!” — Yes, it’s my body, my soul, my choice. (Not sure you typed “having” twice to emphasize your point or was it a stupid typo; hey, I am just being thoroughly analytical, we all have fallen prey to typos. You are welcome to pick typos or grammatical errors in my piece here.)
To carry a baby or not? Solely your choice? I am afraid not. —Yes it absolutely is; my body, my choice; If the guy wants a baby and I don’t, I am sorry he’ll have to find a different womb.
“If it is your choice to have sex outside marriage, it should be his choice too. Don’t call him a cheat. —Not all women are the same, if I believe in loyalty and expect faithfulness, it’s my choice. If I am more liberal and want an open marriage, it is my choice as well.
If he wants to marry a fair, beautiful girl, don’t call him sexist. It’s his life, it’s his wife. Simple! —First of all, sexist means the one sex (usually the male) naturally superior to the other and should dominate most important areas of political, economic, and social life and not the choice to marry a fair beautiful girl like you mentioned. A man is called sexist for thinking — that he owns women or believing every walking woman is his private property, to behave inappropriately with women and justifying that he is a man. Get your vocabulary straight. If a man wants to marry a fair beautiful girl, as you put it, I would say go for it.
If he asks for dowry at the time of marriage, don’t call him a dowry seeker because it is again his choice. —I will give you this. You are right, it is his choice to seek dowry but it is mine to walk out of such a marriage. It is my choice to not get married until I find a guy or a family whose choice is not to sell their son in marriage.
Don’t force him to move out with you, because it’s HIS CHOICE to stay with his parents.” —Absolutely, It is my choice to not live with my in-laws, the guy can certainly choose to differ if he wishes to. I am not going to beat him up or rape him if he insists to stay with his parents. Also, do not forget the ungrateful SOBs who abandon their parents and leave them with nothing. I bet if you took a survey, you will find more sons abandoning their parents than daughters do
Do not file a rape case on promise of marriage after having consensual sex because he made a CHOICE not to MARRY YOU.” —This is ridiculous and makes no sense whatsoever. What exactly did you mean here is beyond my understanding. So, you think, women press charges legally if a guy she sleeps with decides to not get married to her?? At this point, your entire argument over faults with the #vogueempowerment video, is at best a spurious reasoning resulting in absolute nonsense. Let me break it down to you, a woman would file a rape case when someone forcefully tries or has intercourse with her against her will, irrespective of how she dresses or talks or looks.
Who I sleep with is my choice, the guys marries me or not is his choice, and that I understand but I doubt you do.
Your analogies are so far-fetched that I am dumbfounded to even believe you are a writer by profession. ISIS isn’t one person, it is a cult, a fanatic group. BBC should or shouldn’t air “India’s Daughter” is their choice, what has it got to do with my life or my choices as a woman? What Salman Khan does; who is kills or what consequences he faces have nothing to do with women empowerment. I support “Being Human” that is my choice. I don’t own or control Salman Khan, or anybody for that matter, but me.
Two genders, as you pointed out, aren’t that different at a level field. The difference breaks in when morons like you try to interpret things that smarter people like Deepika Padukone’s PR team say. Sexism and empowerment are defined the same for both men and women. When a guy flaunts sleeping with multiple partners, it is pride. When a women says she has slept with anyone at all, she is a slut?? This is sexism and it is prevalent in our society not in a particular gender or religion. Women who share similar anti-femininity views with you are also ignorant and need to be educated on women empowerment.
You are right about a very fine line between freedom and absolute choice, and that absolute choice can have multiple connotations, good, bad or ugly —but to make those choices is my choice and live through the repercussions is too.
I will give you this, you got it right that —“Because India is a misogynistic country with a patriarchal set up which needs to be set right. Because Indian men are lecherous and do not respect female species at all. Hence, hard-hitting pictures of menstruating girls, videos bearing social messages starring Bollywood stars MUST go viral to drill some sense into the Indian system. “
It is people like you who need to take a step back and learn to analyze things in the right way. This video captures essence of women empowerment, doesn’t endorse sexism or infidelity or establishes right or wrong about any subject matter really. It only talks about how all women have a right to their choices and that is the reason you hear the word – “choice” repetitively. That is a marketing tactic to communicate a message, in this case “My Choice as a women”; too bad it irks you. Lastly, what Deepika endorses or chooses to be part of is her choice and we need to respect that.
Here’s the video that is causing such a stir.