When I was a kid, maybe when in my primary classes or even earlier I had a lot of restrictions (at-least that’s what I thought of them as). I had to follow a routine every day. I hated being told everything. I hated being told what to eat and hated it even more when I was not allowed to eat anything I wanted at anytime of the day. I was made to drink milk everyday which I despised. Taurian that I am, I have always been quite a foodie, a controlled eater though but when I wanted to eat something I had to have it, I wished no one woke me up early morning everyday and that I could stay back home whenever I didn’t feel like going to school. I hated physical exercise at the school assembly. Back then I wanted to grow up. I wanted to become independent and be able to eat and do anything anytime I wanted ( I cannot believe it was kind of a goal in life back then :D) . As stupid as it may sound, I am sure there are many who would agree with me; as kids we couldn’t wait to grow up.
Looking at my parents buy whatever they wanted (for I couldn’t quite see nor understand what they weren’t buying which they wished but didn’t find necessary) I often thought to myself that when I grew up and started getting my pocket-money or started earning I would spend it all on things that I always wanted. I would buy all the chocolates and ice creams I wished for (not that my parents never bought me chocolates & ice creams) It seems all silly now but at that time these were like gold and diamonds. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t pampered but being the elder one I was always expected to be a bit more responsible and I guess that did come into me a little bit by itself.
Today when I am independent enough I feel I am still the same old self. I work now so I must have the strict daily routine & I do get up early. I still can’t buy everything I wish all the time for lot of varying reasons. Sometimes I have more important things than others and other times I am broke when I wish to buy something and sometimes my mind simply doesn’t allow me to be irrational and unreasonable. Funny as it may seem I still can’t eat chocolates and ice creams every time I wish for, what would happen to all those lovely clothes that I have if I started eating them all the time (because that’s how much I love chocolates & ice creams 😉 that I could have them for all three meals) What would happen if I freaked out all the time instead of going to office, how would I ever afford my living ??
During school & college I used to have examinations maybe once in six months which used to be that stressed out time of the year. I wished for the exams to get over soon ;). Class tests used to be a bit more relaxed though for me as I was always regular and mostly paid attention in the classes to what the teachers taught and when I joined engineering, exams became more like normal stuff. Imagine having to write 3 internals for each subject plus the external exams each semester twice a year!! 😛 Scary!! Never had I dreamt that I could manage such an uphill struggle (that’s how I would define engineering 😛) But then again now everyday is a test and no teachers guide me through. Every assignment at office is like an examination 😛 I sometimes wonder if things are any different from what they were back then!
Queerly, a few days ago I had to see a doctor for some reason and to my luck he was a bit of a loquacious kind. When he learnt that I was an engineer he told me all about how he wanted to be an engineer too but sadly ended up being a doctor. He also told me how he found nothing exciting about medical field (I would have given anything to become a doctor once :P). Having to deal with varying cases was pretty exciting but I was surprised to hear it from a doctor that not many shared the same thought as me. Though he is one of the well know doctors, he apparently doesn’t really love his job 😛 .He also told me how he has to deal with sad depressed suffering people all the time and has no other choice and the only thing good about his profession was that they helped people get better and when they saw their patients back to health it did make them feel good. Ironically I always wanted to become a doctor but due to unexpected circumstances I ended up as an engineer instead (not that I don’t like being one). So you see even though we grow up we don’t necessarily end up getting everything we wish or life gets any different.
Well, I guess we may not get what we want all the time but we are never different from what we were as kids. Each one of us still face challenges, still have restrictions, still can’t do everything we wish for, still cry at times, still feel sad and still have hopes. So why then should we lose that selfless childlike innocence and the golden heart that we were born with? By innocence I don’t mean immaturity but the purity of the spirit one is born with. Man has not only polluted the planet but his own soul too over the years. 😐 I don’t think anyone had any ill feelings or wicked thoughts as a kid why then do we let them overpower the goodness within us as we grow up!? This is something to think of!! Life is the same and beautiful as it always was, we just need to look within and find the lost innocence and altruism which I am sure resides in everyone but ( for grownups), just needs to delve a little bit harder. I am such a hopeless optimist afterall 😛